Mirror Talk

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Monday 5th February 2024, 1239 GMT

Never thought I’d be one for a mirror reflection pep talk post shower but here I am.

I was up in that mirror eye to eye telling myself that I’m going to win and reminding myself that I’m a winner repeatedly.

Disappointment isn’t easy and the feeling of being left behind that comes with it leaves a nasty taste.
It lingers.

I’ve caught so many Ls just trying to progress here which have blessed me with a lot of lessons to proceed forward but that isn’t to say that it’s hard to sit with.

I’ve spoke to Chels many a time regarding a recurring theme of observing the wins of others and reflecting on my own situation but as much as I try to rationalise it, I have this lingering feeling of impatience.
I won’t say it’s envy, it’s impatience that’s driving me insane.

The more drawn out processes become is the more it festers in my head. It’s all consuming and tends to be all I can think about. I feel like I’m deteriorating as a result of it.

I live through the scenarios, all the alternate realities and then it settles to the one of what if…
I won the lottery, would I return or disappear or remain working securing the promotion.
I didn’t get it, the feeling of disappointment would be overkill. It’s everything that comes with it: questions, checking in, masking how I really feel.
I get it, happy days and I just will begin a journey of learning and mastery, maybe considering next steps.

I suppose I’m already basking in disappointment having not have been successful and knowing what’s required to advance my steps in the process I’m in.
I should prepare for an interview.
There’s no rebuttal regarding this. I’ve had so much time. There isn’t even an excuse worthy of why I haven’t. I already wrote I have no rebuttal so I shouldn’t even write anything past that point.

I just want to enjoy life and the rewards of hard work and potential. I’ve done the prerequisites, I’m trying to cash in and advance myself and prospects.

Buss me please 🙏

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