Friday 6th December 2024, 1207

The best way to achieve anything and avoid suffering from burnout is to concentrate on doing a little bit often rather than try and scale the whole task in one go.

Many times through life I’ve crammed for tests or in the case of my dissertation left it until the very last minute to start.

I misinterpreted my procrastination as ‘thriving under pressure’ or laziness but most often the rush of anxiety it gives you ultimately robs you of the sense of achievement after you’ve accomplished something.

The above is a result of a lack of fundamental prep and planning. I can attest to that, I lived that first hand.

My failure to think and operate with any form of long term planning and goal setting had me scarce in a survivalist mindset.

I was robbing myself of the joys that came with my accomplishments, I was simply relieved I made it over the obstacles.

Now imagine if I had plotted and schemed to scale these mountains, how better prepared I could’ve been. I would’ve excelled and exceeded my potential tenfold.

I’m not saying I haven’t had long term think or vision or even dreams, I just didn’t connect all my attributes strategically to excel.

I love where my journey is now and sitting on this train, enroute to work, I’ve finally made the connection.

It took me years to get here and now I’ve arrived at this epiphany I feel like it can only get better from here.

Self awareness and reflection, the gift that keeps giving.

Keep Going

Tuesday, 3rd December 2014, 08:13

Whatever you’re doing don’t stop, keep going.

Despite you feeling like you’re building your beach grain by grain, keep going.

Focus on the moment, action by action, keep going.

Focus on the journey, step by step, keep going.

Sooner or later when you pause to rest and reflect, you’ll discover how far you’ve travelled.

The road that seemed to have no end, seems at least to have gifted you a change of scenery.

Look at how much you’ve grown.

You’ve got many tales to share.

Keep going, keep sharing, keep creating.

Context (Origins of Autobiography of a Nobody)

In two days I’ve made 2 sales of my EP, Autobiography of a Nobody to some DJs from Tel Aviv that I never knew would’ve known I ever existed, all thanks to me sharing my work via Soundcloud a few days earlier. When I messaged Verti Sahara to say thank you, she shared that I was found on the discovery page and she’d play ‘I’m Mad’ to open her set that weekend. When I think about the circumstances that I wrote and produced that track, even writing and publishing it a few days before her purchase it fills me with an immense sense of gratitude that my music is being heard. Paid for at that. A few days later I received another notification that another had purchased too. This may have been a result of Verti dropping the track at the rave and then maybe asking about the song. Again I sent a message to express my gratitude.

This has been the cherry on top of spending a majority of the past two weeks getting my affairs in order. The collective £8 (£10 before Bandcamp fees) within a few days of each other made me realise that it weren’t a fluke, word of mouth recommendations are equally as important as ‘social reach’ and it also reassured me that there are still DJs out there that search for music. Sounds very ignorant on my part to be honest, maybe because I haven’t DJ’d in years but I’m still amazed. I guess you can tell that when I create and release music my expectations are pretty low concerning listeners and even more purchasers. I knew about the power of Bandcamp as a consumer from my DJ days but now as a creator I’ll be paying so much more attention. It’s definitely given me the boost and incentive to keep going.

Make good music, everyone buys it. – Primark Boy

Stream / Purchase link for Autobiography of a Nobody

Today I re-released Autobiography of a Nobody on Soundcloud and I tell you what, it was definitely a trip down memory lane. This EP is a compilation of all of my struggle songs I wrote and recorded throughout my time in the Retail sector, 20 years to be exact!

Foreword

As it’s an autobiography, I wanted to create an intro of sorts so after creating a beat on the MPC Live 2 one sunny afternoon, I ripped the audio from one of my old vlogs. I didn’t know it at the time but that would become the moment I decided to compile the Autobiography of a Nobody.

I Can’t Stop

This was my first ever solo song which I wrote and recorded whilst attending an institution for people that weren’t working, formal training or education. I’m not sure how I got involved but I heard it was £25 to sign up and you could make beats and record. For me it was a no-brainer. It was at PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) that I met Moaner who shared a crack-copy of Reason with me. This was the era that I stopped using Fruity Loops, well Moaner uninstalled it off of my PC tbh. However if I’d of kept it, no doubt my edits would’ve been next level as I’d already made Humps, CNEO and Hard to Beat which are somewhere on a random MySpace alias (Slimebx) that you can’t even listen to. I don’t even have them in my personal collection as they’ve either been deleted when PCs have failed or I didn’t save them onto Hard Drives. The session itself, I still have the footage somewhere on a mini-DV tape and who knows if it’ll see the light of day. Knowing me it probably will and judging by the re-release of this project or even it seeing the light of day for the first time when I put together Autobiography of a Nobody, it isn’t such a bad idea.

I recall burning this onto CD and heading to a friends house and members of the old crew happened to be there, along with some folks from around the way, and I played it. I looked around awaiting a reaction and there weren’t any, this was like my first ever solo song of me ‘talking about life’ and leaving the metaphors behind. It didn’t affect me much, I just went home some hours later and got stuck in to writing and producing more. Funny how when you’re young you seek approval from folks in comparison to nowadays where you just do you thing with zeros f-coins to give.

Fast forward to a few years ago and I made the production itself on a Twitch stream when I was testing out new layouts before eventually putting the acapella on top.

Primark Boy

This was the one! I feel like I need to fish out what the original sounded like because that was made when I came home from a music production course at The Midi Music Company. This was somewhere in the mid 2000s when I was deep into Reason 2.5, I had the loop going and all of a sudden my older brother came in and started chanting something like ‘Primark Boy xyz’, and I definitely had one of those moments where I was like like ‘I gotta do something’. In this era I was rolling with an A5 notepad and after grabbing my Mini Fillet meal with hot wings from KFC, I sat in the break room on a Saturday afternoon and started writing the first verse.

On my PC, I had installed Sony Vegas or Acid which came with my brothers camcorder and I somehow used it to record and mix my songs, freestyles and ideas using this drum mic, I got from my dad, plugged into the mic input on the PC. The most ratchet of setups but it yielded great results for ideas. That right there is where I honed my skills. I often wished I kept a lot of the hard drives or files but you know how PCs were back then, virus central.

Primark Boy probably went through 2-3 different modes before it became what it became. The first was my Reason 2.5 prototype, then there was the collab with Ray Ruckus which was heavily pop and then the final iteration was the one featured. If it wasn’t for one of my classmates in Uni, Juan Santiago, who worked out which notes I’d played I probably wouldn’t have been able to go to the studio and get it done. Thanks Juan!

I took it to Orpheus Studios on Kingsland Highroad, Dalston and recorded it from scratch with Richard Campbell who mixed it and gave it the radio friendly polish. Although it’s very pop and upbeat it still maintains the grit and perfectly illustrated where I was at the time of writing. I really did work there and it was also chosen for Homegrown track of the week by DJ Target. The previous iteration was the track of the week for Veena V and whilst I was doing an on air interview, I had to start my shift in M&S. Crazy times.

I’m Mad

I had several eras of life in the retail sector: trying to find a job, having a job with dreams of being a star, graduating from university and wondr=ering where the guaranteed £25k per annum I was promised to then going full circle and searching for a job again. I’m Mad is definitely the post graduation blues. It’s also the era where I’m probably at my sharpest lyrically from writing and recording songs consistently. To this day I believe that’s definitely the pinnacle.

By the time I’m recording this I’m between jobs too, six months from final interview to start date, having handed in my resignation on a napkin. Also I’m in a darker place without knowing I’m in a darker place as no job equates to no £ and I’m surviving off 25p packs of noodles and no haircuts. I’m grafting hard and I’m reconciling with the facts of what my next steps are because the twinkle of doing this ‘music ting’ full time has lost its spark and I’m enjoying it being an explorative hobby much more. On the upside my production style is maturing too as I’m at a point where I’m able to get the ideas from my head to Maschine and Logic, graduating from Apple loops and going further beyond the presets. It’s not until a few years later that I listen to this and think, rah you were down bad but the lesson is to keep pushing forward on your journey regardless because better days are ahead when you have faith.

Superreality

I was no stranger to signing on, having done so when I got fired by Barratts, so I understood how it felt going there to be grilled and interrogated. I also understood how it felt to be judged by the people on the other side of the desk and the embarrassment of being there. I didn’t like it at all. Especially when your arrival time coincided with someone you knew or saw around the ends. I think it was knowing that deep down I was destined for better things. I was young, I wanted to work but I just didn’t get the opportunity. I wasn’t really thinking of careers at the time, I just wanted to get paid. The narrative although draws upon my experience of signing on, does lean heavily on the folks I’d observe as being on the dole and my assumptions. I never did smoke now pay later with anyone, however I saw it happen a lot. I also saw how some became trapped in the box of what they’d get for their JSA, how they’d go to the cash point at midnight to withdraw and get their fix… I’m probably painting a picture far more harrowing than it was but to those on the outside the stuff we feel is normal is light years from normality.

If the timestamps are anything to go by, I created this and recorded the first verse just after midnight on 30th April 2012. By then I’ve left Topshop to do Up In The Ear full time with no business plan, ended up back in the Job Centre trying to claim JSA but I was ineligible as I resigned rather than be terminated. The night I recorded this I remember my brother asking me whether I’d smoked something which I thought was hilarious. I’d stopped smoking for a while by this time. I was just in the zone to write an observation banger about life.

Cover Art and Title

The title itself isn’t self-deprecating by any means, it’s just that the tales told here could be about anyone so in reality I’m nobody special. A lot of the time people are shamed for having normal lives and experiences as we’re so used to soap operas, movies and hypersenationalism. When I think back to going solo and breaking away from the band, my exact words when asked what I was going to do were “I’m going to spit bars about life”. I had no idea I’d go on to make this but I Can’t Stop was definitely the official catalyst all them years back.

If you look closely, you can see all of my passes for some of the places I worked and also some of the places I studied at. The Maschine MK1 makes the cover as that piece of kit was an important investment in my music production journey. I could only feature the ID cards from the workplaces that I held onto but I’m not even sure how I came up with the concept, it sorta just happened. Come to think of it, my university pass didn’t even make the cut and I have no idea why as that’s a major part of this phase.

Reflection

At the time of recording these songs, there was no route to the masses besides maybe Soundcloud and pressing up CDs or even getting onto radio like I did with Primark Boy. I was just creating as an outlet for how I was feeling, to explore and express myself as I didn’t really talk much about how it was that I felt. What I love about digging through the archives now is that I can distribute my creations across all platforms via DistroKid and connect with people who feel the same, providing a soundtrack for their lives too.

Stream on your preferred music service

Saturday 12th December 2020, 02:38

The game is effed.

I tried to wade upstream against the current as pride and price didn’t allow me to enter draws and raffles to catch Ls.

I’m deffo an old head that still lives in the glory days of obscure online independent retailers and lesser known stores dotted through the city.

Nostalgia is a strong force of nature, so much so that I cast my net in the perpetual abyss of limited supply at a stupidly high price in hope that I reel in a prized catch of some of the finest silhouettes and OG colourways that tell a thousand tales, passed down from pair to pair over the years.

I went through my functional phase, I tried the present day models but theres nothing like the allure of a retro pair of Nike.

These iconic kicks aren’t just shoes they’re aspiration, ambition, accomplishment, heritage, statements, accents, moods, memories… it’s a feeling.

The fresh out the box smell never gets old, nor does the returning them back to the box after their once every trimester wear.

I may be salty sometimes at never managing to cop a lot of pairs but deep down I must admit the price has me running scared but if it’s a particular type of retro OG I will cop with no expense spared.

Nike Verse (September 2010)

Since this is about ‘sneakers’ I thought I’d share this rare gem…

This verse was laid on a beat that I named ‘Churchill’ (after the nodding pooch) way back in the early days of my music production journey. The wider song is a track called Foxy which, as cringe as the title sounds, was made whilst I was at University. I took it to the studio as part of a recording project and created a polished, chart worthy pop-song that never saw the light of day because I always preferred the original which was created in Logic 8 and recorded in my bedroom studio on a Samson USB condenser mic (regret selling that when replaced with the Rode NT1-A in 2012 and giving away my Oxygen 8 keyboard because I’m a sucker for artefacts).

Connecting Dots

I’d go so far as to say that the year this picture was taken (excuse the FHM calendar, I was young), I made a lot of the songs featured on Autobiography of a Nobody and Rhythm & Prose: 1012BC as I had just come out of the Up In The Ear era (may be the next legacy drop in the trend of archive revivals). This was a fun time and I’m glad I’m in a place where I can connect the dots. Even seeing this picture and digging through my Logic Pro archives to fish out this Nike verse has given me inspiration to share stories because this is what a blogs are for.

What does ‘allure’ mean to you, what’s your thing, what’s your feeling?

It’ll definitely be my house clothes: a pair of athletic shorts and a jersey or sports tee. Simple.

If I were going out, it’ll be a pair of comfy jeans and a tee with a pair of comfy sports shoes like Nike Air Prestos.

If I were going out, it’ll be a comfy pair of trousers that are loose fitting with a loose fitting shirt.

To be honest I wear the same outfits and style of outfits all the time so I’m already doing the question.

It’s definitely a mix of train and bus. Train will take the long haul parts of the trip and maybe bus will be for short trips however it all depends on how safe the surroundings are. If the surroundings don’t feel safe, Uber or local government state authorised taxi is the way forward.

A lot of variables but then again, if it’s a city trip then train and bus. Did that in plenty of cities across Europe, España to be specific. Grab a ticket that covers the length of your stay and metro everywhere with sprinkles of bus.

A place like Netherlands, it’s a train ticket from from airport to city centre and explore. I say Netherlands but more like Amsterdam. In a city like that it’s a walking thing. That and maybe Venice which in some respects are the same type of place but in Venice you’re likely to get the river bus. Gondolers are hella pricey and also I weren’t tryna hop on them as they seemed rather unstable.

TLDR: I’d get plane, then train, then a mixture of bus, car and walking. Depending on how friendly the city is to cycling, might do that for novelty.

So granted it’s been a very long time since I last checked in to post an update and I’m neither ashamed at it nor filled with regret at not posting because I’ve been living it up. I’ve been doing video mainly, not so much podcasting nor even beat making but heavily creating video. I often forget to post it to the blog and I’m not even mad that I keep forgetting to do so. I don’t even forget, I just can’t be bothered a lot of the time. Not even neglectful in the slightest, I’ve just changed.

I find myself writing these updates again in solitude so you know that means that I’m on the cusp of change once again. A lot has changed and perhaps whilst I’m in that state between process, metamorphosis and destination, I’m ere trying to slow down to make sense of how I’m about to scale the obstacle of the process. Something that I did not respect nor pa much attention to but I realise that getting past a process is probably the most important fight.

Deep down we know we can do something but often the process barrier between you and the thing which you desire and are incredibly great at is the difference between doing and being a bystander. I agonised over getting something done whereby my life was on pause for weeks whilst I fought to be untouchable. The process showed me that when you ask for help people are always willing to lend their perspective, also when you take the time to understand and implement the changes to do things properly things change for the better and you become the benchmark of success.

Remember what I said earlier, I didn’t respect the process. I never placed much emphasis, energy nor importance on it. I became somewhat my own barrier to being successful by doing it all wrong. In his short space of time I’ve not only learnt a bunch about myself but developed the mindset that anything is possible when you push yourself harder that you ever have. I’ve actioned a process where I don’t rest on my skills but actively develop my talents by pushing myself further.

Who knew that an opportunity would force me into action the way it did but I did make a pact to myself at the start of 2023 that I would go harder than I ever have and take advantage of every opportunity I get. No more laid back, too cool for school but strive for the best and hold myself accountable by challenging myself to always do better and not get complement.

Right… Now the awkward address for my lack of activity is out the way I guess I can continue with creating some content or to be honest, just update regularly with a mixture of what I’m doing.

Peace.

It’s finally here after 10yrs of catching dust in my archives. The notebooks can breathe again. No more feelings of what if or I wish I would’ve dropped. I can release the works I’m most proud of and get to crafting some more masterpieces. Happiness is an understatement.

The weirdest thing about all of this is that I felt burnt out and in somewhat of a rut in the lead up to deciding that I was going to drop this collection of works. I somehow found myself infant of Logic on a day off of work and just made a few tweaks. The defining factor was placing a template setting to the master channel and it brought the track alive. At that point I was like I gotta make some artwork and pretty much uploaded it to DistroKid. For the remainder of the week I felt different, I felt more alive, I felt like my life had purpose again. I know it sounds dramatic but when you assume and pursue your virtue, life feels much more fulfilling and pure.

Rhythm & Prose features demos of tracks that I’ve teased across my blogs in the past but never had the courage or vision to release until now. In the coming post I’ll break down each song with some context.

Listen to Rhythm & Prose: 1012BC here

In my week since meeting a Hip Hop producer hero, Saint Alan The Alchemist, I wanted to test whether there was some kinda of energy transfer in the embrace. I headed home, dug out my DJ mixer from 2006, grabbed a vinyl from the shelf and tried to make a sampling vinyl banger using my AKAI Professional MPC Live 2 Retro.

As much as my Sunday sess didn’t produce anything worthy of sharing, aside from this cool picture, I did realise how powerful the sequencer on the MPC is for generating ideas. I tend lose interest once I get a loop as my other production weapons of choice feel restrictive. The MPC workflow is flexible enough to support mute, solo and editing once a sequence is duplicated. Going from a loop to a song feels so much more intuitive than others.

The following 5 days were spent exploring this box of delights pre and post shift, watching AKAI’s playlist on YouTube using the #mpc Live 2 on my lunch break and commutes to and from work. My eureka moment came on Day 4 when I finally figured out how to record vocals into the MPC Beats software, when using the Live 2 in controller mode.

On Thursday, having finished early, I raced home with the intent to record a piece of poetry I wrote, about a gloomy April morning, called Modest in Monochrome. I was going to stay in my comfort zone, which was to open a VST of the drum machine DAW in Logic Pro X, but I decided to break the pattern and stretch myself to learn something different. I’m glad to I took the 5mins to learn how because it means I can decrease my dependence on rerouting across software.

TLDR: How one chance encounter with someone can serve as a reminder to make time to explore your hobbies and interests.