Autobiography of a Nobody

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Today I re-released Autobiography of a Nobody on Soundcloud and I tell you what, it was definitely a trip down memory lane. This EP is a compilation of all of my struggle songs I wrote and recorded throughout my time in the Retail sector, 20 years to be exact!

Foreword

As it’s an autobiography, I wanted to create an intro of sorts so after creating a beat on the MPC Live 2 one sunny afternoon, I ripped the audio from one of my old vlogs. I didn’t know it at the time but that would become the moment I decided to compile the Autobiography of a Nobody.

I Can’t Stop

This was my first ever solo song which I wrote and recorded whilst attending an institution for people that weren’t working, formal training or education. I’m not sure how I got involved but I heard it was £25 to sign up and you could make beats and record. For me it was a no-brainer. It was at PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) that I met Moaner who shared a crack-copy of Reason with me. This was the era that I stopped using Fruity Loops, well Moaner uninstalled it off of my PC tbh. However if I’d of kept it, no doubt my edits would’ve been next level as I’d already made Humps, CNEO and Hard to Beat which are somewhere on a random MySpace alias (Slimebx) that you can’t even listen to. I don’t even have them in my personal collection as they’ve either been deleted when PCs have failed or I didn’t save them onto Hard Drives. The session itself, I still have the footage somewhere on a mini-DV tape and who knows if it’ll see the light of day. Knowing me it probably will and judging by the re-release of this project or even it seeing the light of day for the first time when I put together Autobiography of a Nobody, it isn’t such a bad idea.

I recall burning this onto CD and heading to a friends house and members of the old crew happened to be there, along with some folks from around the way, and I played it. I looked around awaiting a reaction and there weren’t any, this was like my first ever solo song of me ‘talking about life’ and leaving the metaphors behind. It didn’t affect me much, I just went home some hours later and got stuck in to writing and producing more. Funny how when you’re young you seek approval from folks in comparison to nowadays where you just do you thing with zeros f-coins to give.

Fast forward to a few years ago and I made the production itself on a Twitch stream when I was testing out new layouts before eventually putting the acapella on top.

Primark Boy

This was the one! I feel like I need to fish out what the original sounded like because that was made when I came home from a music production course at The Midi Music Company. This was somewhere in the mid 2000s when I was deep into Reason 2.5, I had the loop going and all of a sudden my older brother came in and started chanting something like ‘Primark Boy xyz’, and I definitely had one of those moments where I was like like ‘I gotta do something’. In this era I was rolling with an A5 notepad and after grabbing my Mini Fillet meal with hot wings from KFC, I sat in the break room on a Saturday afternoon and started writing the first verse.

On my PC, I had installed Sony Vegas or Acid which came with my brothers camcorder and I somehow used it to record and mix my songs, freestyles and ideas using this drum mic, I got from my dad, plugged into the mic input on the PC. The most ratchet of setups but it yielded great results for ideas. That right there is where I honed my skills. I often wished I kept a lot of the hard drives or files but you know how PCs were back then, virus central.

Primark Boy probably went through 2-3 different modes before it became what it became. The first was my Reason 2.5 prototype, then there was the collab with Ray Ruckus which was heavily pop and then the final iteration was the one featured. If it wasn’t for one of my classmates in Uni, Juan Santiago, who worked out which notes I’d played I probably wouldn’t have been able to go to the studio and get it done. Thanks Juan!

I took it to Orpheus Studios on Kingsland Highroad, Dalston and recorded it from scratch with Richard Campbell who mixed it and gave it the radio friendly polish. Although it’s very pop and upbeat it still maintains the grit and perfectly illustrated where I was at the time of writing. I really did work there and it was also chosen for Homegrown track of the week by DJ Target. The previous iteration was the track of the week for Veena V and whilst I was doing an on air interview, I had to start my shift in M&S. Crazy times.

I’m Mad

I had several eras of life in the retail sector: trying to find a job, having a job with dreams of being a star, graduating from university and wondr=ering where the guaranteed £25k per annum I was promised to then going full circle and searching for a job again. I’m Mad is definitely the post graduation blues. It’s also the era where I’m probably at my sharpest lyrically from writing and recording songs consistently. To this day I believe that’s definitely the pinnacle.

By the time I’m recording this I’m between jobs too, six months from final interview to start date, having handed in my resignation on a napkin. Also I’m in a darker place without knowing I’m in a darker place as no job equates to no £ and I’m surviving off 25p packs of noodles and no haircuts. I’m grafting hard and I’m reconciling with the facts of what my next steps are because the twinkle of doing this ‘music ting’ full time has lost its spark and I’m enjoying it being an explorative hobby much more. On the upside my production style is maturing too as I’m at a point where I’m able to get the ideas from my head to Maschine and Logic, graduating from Apple loops and going further beyond the presets. It’s not until a few years later that I listen to this and think, rah you were down bad but the lesson is to keep pushing forward on your journey regardless because better days are ahead when you have faith.

Superreality

I was no stranger to signing on, having done so when I got fired by Barratts, so I understood how it felt going there to be grilled and interrogated. I also understood how it felt to be judged by the people on the other side of the desk and the embarrassment of being there. I didn’t like it at all. Especially when your arrival time coincided with someone you knew or saw around the ends. I think it was knowing that deep down I was destined for better things. I was young, I wanted to work but I just didn’t get the opportunity. I wasn’t really thinking of careers at the time, I just wanted to get paid. The narrative although draws upon my experience of signing on, does lean heavily on the folks I’d observe as being on the dole and my assumptions. I never did smoke now pay later with anyone, however I saw it happen a lot. I also saw how some became trapped in the box of what they’d get for their JSA, how they’d go to the cash point at midnight to withdraw and get their fix… I’m probably painting a picture far more harrowing than it was but to those on the outside the stuff we feel is normal is light years from normality.

If the timestamps are anything to go by, I created this and recorded the first verse just after midnight on 30th April 2012. By then I’ve left Topshop to do Up In The Ear full time with no business plan, ended up back in the Job Centre trying to claim JSA but I was ineligible as I resigned rather than be terminated. The night I recorded this I remember my brother asking me whether I’d smoked something which I thought was hilarious. I’d stopped smoking for a while by this time. I was just in the zone to write an observation banger about life.

Cover Art and Title

The title itself isn’t self-deprecating by any means, it’s just that the tales told here could be about anyone so in reality I’m nobody special. A lot of the time people are shamed for having normal lives and experiences as we’re so used to soap operas, movies and hypersenationalism. When I think back to going solo and breaking away from the band, my exact words when asked what I was going to do were “I’m going to spit bars about life”. I had no idea I’d go on to make this but I Can’t Stop was definitely the official catalyst all them years back.

If you look closely, you can see all of my passes for some of the places I worked and also some of the places I studied at. The Maschine MK1 makes the cover as that piece of kit was an important investment in my music production journey. I could only feature the ID cards from the workplaces that I held onto but I’m not even sure how I came up with the concept, it sorta just happened. Come to think of it, my university pass didn’t even make the cut and I have no idea why as that’s a major part of this phase.

Reflection

At the time of recording these songs, there was no route to the masses besides maybe Soundcloud and pressing up CDs or even getting onto radio like I did with Primark Boy. I was just creating as an outlet for how I was feeling, to explore and express myself as I didn’t really talk much about how it was that I felt. What I love about digging through the archives now is that I can distribute my creations across all platforms via DistroKid and connect with people who feel the same, providing a soundtrack for their lives too.

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